


14 - "this thing"

by cyn_00



Series: Moreid one shots [14]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Almost Kiss, Awkwardness, Canon Related, Crushes, Cute, Episode: s02e12 Profiler Profiled, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Oblivious, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, POV Derek, POV Spencer Reid, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24388984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyn_00/pseuds/cyn_00
Summary: Fuffy, awkward, ALMOST love confession huge throwback toseason 2, episode 12("Profiler, profiled")
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Moreid one shots [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746199
Comments: 2
Kudos: 163





	14 - "this thing"

**Author's Note:**

> I shamelessly abused of italics in this one, heh. Also, I have a long-ish **DISCLAIMER** to make, that applies to all my works and not only this one. I think it's important to address that in this fic I won't mention the topic illustrated in the episode: this work mostly revolves around the famous line "Derek talks about you", said by Derek's sister to Spencer. My purpose was to write a "light" awkward/fluffy fic - _almost_ love confession if you will - avoiding to focus on Derek's history of abuse. I think that's too delicate and serious of a topic for me to try and describe it merely through Derek's words/thoughts; especially considering that I should "filter" this narrative to fit my actual, _sole_ scope of rendering Morgan + Reid's relationship. I actually HAVE focused more overtly on the Buford arc before, in my One shot 8, referencing a much late episode, but I hope I managed to dissuade anyone who read it from thinking that my intent was to romanticize the sexual abuse Derek suffered. Even though I admittedly enjoy reading fics based on the abused/care-taker trope, I still think it's risky to treat such topics if the writer's purpose isn't to convey some sort of "moral". Which is exactly why I'm always reluctant to treat directly and in depth Morgan's trauma as well as Reid's drug addiction: I haven't experienced either of these things, hence I don't think I'd be able to illustrate them properly and without triggering anyone who might be sensitive to said topics. Thank you if you dedicated your time to reading this intro, I hope the message is clear and of easy understanding :) <3

_This is the episode where Carl Buford is arrested for murdering one of the kids from the Youth Center of Chicago South Side, so the whole story about him being a pedophile rapist - and Derek being one of his victims as a kid - comes up. I wanna point out that originally I think only Gideon and Hotch discover Derek's direct involvement in this, but for the sake of this fic we'll pretend Reid does, too_

_[Link to the same fic on Tumblr](https://cyn-00.tumblr.com/post/619185731364061185/moreid-one-shot-14) _

* * *

_"Derek talks about you."_

Reid couldn't stop replaying that phrase in his head, in an endless loop.

In the exact moment Sarah had said that, his immediate reaction had been to smile - like a total _idiot_ , by the way - but now that everything was over and Spencer had the time to think about it, he couldn't help but wonder what she meant.

"Talk" how? "Talk" doesn't mean _anything_. It just means SAYING things, PRONOUNCING words. Did he say good stuff? Or did he make fun of him? Why did she feel the need to let him know that Morgan "talked" about him? He must've talked about Emily too, sometimes, but Sarah didn't say "Derek talks about _both of you_ ".

He hadn't had the time to deepen the topic because as soon as he replied - _"he does??"_ : again, a complete _moron_ \- Emily interrupted them to, righteously, get back to the actual subject: Carl Buford.

The second Reid remembered about it, all those dumb questions wandering in his head vanished. _Poof_. How could he keep obsessing about that stupid phrase while Morgan was going through what he was going through? Derek had trusted him enough to tell only _him_ , besides Hotch and Gideon, and what was Spencer doing? Thinking about _"Derek talks about you"._ He probably had MENTIONED him, or said, like: "oh you know there's this kid in my unit, socially awkward, total nerd, only thing he does is read like 20 books a da-"

"Reid?"

Emily's voice came loud like a train crushing into his ear drums. Spencer winced in his swivel chair.

"Mh?" he mumbled, looking up at her.

"...are you gonna go home or you're planning to keep working?" she asked him, jokingly.

"Yeah, no, I- I mean, _yes_ I'm going home, _no_ I have no intention to keep working, trust me..." he replied distractedly, checking his watch. It was 9:30 pm: not even _that_ late...so why was she asking? Spencer had the sudden impression that she wanted something, and THAT was just a lame excuse to start a conversation.

"I was just double checking an e-mail I had to send." he continued, noticing that she wasn't even wearing her coat, neither had her bag in hand. She could've studied the scene better.

"Oh- yeah...your computer is off but, whatevs" she shrugged, pointing at the black desktop. He could've studied his scene better, too.

He looked at where she was pointing for a second, then stood up and grabbed his satchel.

"I know I was uhm...just, thinking about a _thing_ " he said, understanding why literally everybody labeled him as a bad liar. Still, he didn't wanna spit it all out.

"A _thing_?" she echoed him, raising her brows.

"Yes, a-" Reid interrupted himself before he had even decided how to phrase the _thing_ to keep it vague enough. He saw Morgan get out of Hotch's office and heading quickly toward the sliding doors of the bullpen, with his head down.

"...a _thing_. Gotta go, see you tomorrow!" he said in a rush, quickly walking in Derek's direction without making it too obvious that he was basically _running_ toward him.

"Spencer! Wait- wait a second." she said grabbing his arm from behind, after he'd only got 15 ft far.

He turned around, frowning.

"I, uhm, I don't think he's in the mood to...talk ? right now..." Emily said softly, with an awkward smile on her face.

"You know?" she added, tilting her head, hoping that she wouldn't have to explain further.

Spencer gulped, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. She was right, and if only she'd known the whole story, she would've been even righter. If there's even such a thing as being more right than...right.

"Yes, I- I know, but I wasn't planning on talking about... about _that_ , I just have to ask him this... _thing_." he replied slightly embarrassed, looking down at the floor.

"Is the _'thing'_ you wanna ask him the same _'thing'_ you were thinking about earlier?"

"...yes" he answered almost murmuring, like it was some kind of secret - which is what it was still supposed to be, to her: a _secret_. Because, in the end, he hadn't even TOLD her, so how did she KNOW? How did she do that? Emily always did that. _Fuck_.

"And is this _'thing'_ what I think it is?" she pried, lowering her voice to the same volume of Spencer's.

"I...I don't know?" he replied, only not to give her the satisfaction of receiving the millionth "yes". But the answer was: _yes_.

"Then go, ask him the _'thing'._ " Emily concluded, nodding her chin in the elevator's direction.

Spencer leveled his eyes with hers, gladly noticing a reassuring look of complicity appear on her face.

He nodded, smiling at her in a silly way before turning around.

Spencer quickly headed toward the elevator, hoping Derek hadn't got too far in the meantime - or, even worse: had already started his car.

He saw the elevator doors closing.

"Wait! Hold it!" he shouted, speaking to whoever was inside it.

He ran, jumping in between the doors.

Morgan was inside. Of course. What the hell was he still doing there? Did...did he _wait_ for him? No, that was impossible and way too optimistic. He'd probably bumped into Penelope, who had kept him talking in the hallway for an amount of time nearing a decade.

They stared at each other for a solid 20 seconds, gaping, while the doors closed behind Spencer's back, leaving them alone - luckily.

Spencer figured the unsteadiness of his breathing wasn't due to the "run" anymore. He gave up on trying to slow it down, and decided he was going to speak up first, since Derek still looked frozen like an ice cube. Maybe he was annoyed by Spencer's presence, and he just wanted to avoid starting a conversation to make the interaction as quick as possible and finally go hom-

"R- Reid" Derek's thorough and slightly hoarse voice broke the silence.

"I was kinda looking for you, earlier. Gave up at a certain point." he added, smiling a bit. He looked... embarrassed? Was that even possible? For Derek Morgan to be embarrassed?

Spencer swallowed nervously, flattered. "Me too, actually."

Derek opened his mouth like he wanted to say something first, before the other could continue. But he got interrupted by the doors opening up again behind Spencer.

He pointed at the empty lobby with his finger, seeing that Reid hadn't even noticed they'd arrived at ground floor already.

Spencer turned around. They got out and he stopped 3 ft from the elevator, standing still, fiddling nervously with his hands. Was Derek expecting him to follow him or something? Were they gonna talk the next day? Or was he supposed to drop the topic forever because time was up?

Derek, who had got ahead in the meantime, turned around.

"You comin?" he asked, non-chalantly.

"Uhm, yeah- where?" Spencer replied, finally taking jogging steps forward to reach him, feeling like the marble floor was starting to sink under the soles of his Converses from standing there for so long.

"I'll give you a ride home. I don't know how you take the subway every fucking day." Derek replied, snorting.

Spencer smiled back, shyly.

"...thanks" he mumbled, looking down at his feet while walking outside with him, their arms only a couple of inches from touching.

They stayed silent until they arrived to the car. When they did, Derek stopped before either of them could get in.

"Listen, uh, I- I hope you're not gonna ask me stuff about... about Buford because honestly I can't take anymore pity-faces. Especially yours." he said in a deep tone.

"Nonono, no, absolutely not- I mean, if you ever wanna talk about it I'm here but I'm not- I don't wanna pressure you or anything." Spencer answered defensively, feeling his heartbeat racing. He wondered what he meant by _"especially yours"_. Was his pity-face more annoying than the others'? Apparently, saying indecipherable phrases that made Reid go paranoid was a Morgans' family thing.

He saw Morgan nodding uncomfortably. Reid gazed silently at him for a bit, taking a careful look of him as a whole. He didn't look good- well, what the hell, of course he looked _good_ , but he didn't look _ok_. He seemed exhausted and quite anxious - understandably. Nobody had ever seen him like that, and honestly it freaked Spencer out a little. The first thing that popped into his mind, was that such behavior was partially _his_ fault; hence, he spoke up, trying to put a halt to it.

"You know what, I'm- it's late, actually, and you look like you need to stay alone for a while so, I'm just gonna take the subway it's no big dea-"

"No, kid, can you just- can you just stay ? Please..." Derek interrupted him, grabbing his thin wrist before he could get any further.

Spencer's heart warmed up. He eyed down at Derek's grip, unprepared to how even such a faint touch was sending goosebumps all over his arm. Much to his relief, not one but _two_ layers of clothing - shirt AND jacket - hid that reaction from the other man's sight.

"Alright." Reid nodded after a bit, not because he was undecided, but because he was trying to get a hold of said goosebumps. He raised his gaze again to smile idiotically at him.

Derek grinned back apologetically, before ultimately making his way around the car to get in the driver's seat.

"So, I heard that you and Prentiss were the ones who had to go talk to my family, am I right?" he asked, with a tone and a way of phrasing the question that was nothing short of a desperate attempt to make it sound low-key and casual. Especially since he chose to say it _while_ opening the car door. Like it didn't matter that much, or at least not enough to say it once he'd be sitting down comfortably. Unfortunately for him, Spencer picked up on all of that.

"Yeah!" Spencer answered, a little too enthusiastically for one who was trying with all his strength not to give the impression that he wanted to talk _exactly_ about that, that he basically read his mind. Unfortunately for him, Derek picked up on those kind of things too - after all, they were paid to do it. To understand behavior. At times they forgot how much more difficult that made their mutual interactions, as well as more authentic.

Derek smiled to himself a little bit and started the car.

"So, how were they?" he asked teasingly, knowing that even if Spencer thought they were the worst people in the world, he would've never told him so. His heart was too pure.

"They're really nice. And they care a lot about you. You're lucky like that..." Spencer replied lowering his voice, revealing a slightly melancholic inflection.

Derek catched a glimpse of him while driving. He knew he wasn't referring to his mom, but to his dad. And he knew there was a big difference between how he lost his own dad and how Spencer lost his: Derek's father _died_. Spencer's father purposely _left_ : grabbed his shit, got on his feet, walked away from his wife and son. How a father could do that, was something that Derek would never understand.

"The cake was good, wasn't it?" he asked after a few seconds of heavy silence, trying to lift up the mood.

Spencer finally shifted his eyes to look at him. "Yeah, definitely" he answered, and Derek's mission could be considered accomplished, as a sweet smile appeared on his colleague's face; sweeter than that cake they were talking about - _yes_ , Morgan thought about such comparison. He could've compared it with another million sweet things: caramel like his eyes; honey like his hair under the sunlight; strawberry like the color of his lips... _Oh_. Dammit.

"I wanna ask you a _thing_ , though..." the _sweet_ voice of the man object of his current fantasies gently snapped Derek out of his thoughts.

"What's that?" Derek asked, hiding the fact that he was shitting his pants wondering what Spencer's question could possibly be.

Spencer nervously played with the buckle of his leather bag, resting on his lap.

"Your sisters, both of them they- they immediately recognized me." he stayed vague. " _"Doctor Reid"_ " he added making the 'quote' gesture with his fingers, smiling self-complacently.

"Well, yeah, we've been working together for...2 years or something, right?" Derek kept the dumb-play going, as if he hadn't basically been keeping count since.

"...2 years and 18 days to be precise...but anyway," Spencer paused to clear his voice. "Sarah, she specifically said that...uhm...that you _talk_ about me. She- she said: _'Derek talks about you'._ "

Morgan abruptly hit the brakes of his car to stop at a red light that he noticed at the last second, distracted by what Reid had just said, making him wince.

"Wow. Well- _fuck_ , my sisters really don't how to shut their mouths, do they?" he said, laughing a bit nervously.

"Well they- they didn't say anything- I mean, they just said that you "talk" about me but I'm guessing you talk about all of us, of cours-"

" _No_ , Spencer. She meant a specific thing." Morgan interrupted him softly, parking his car. Yes: they'd already arrived at Reid's place.

After a long silence, during which Reid's face remained stuck in a confused scowl, Morgan turned off the car. He sighed, before turning slightly to his right to stare into Reid's hazelnut-hued eyes. Talking to him while driving was easier, because he couldn't _look_ at that face of his. But now that he could, it got x10 times more difficult.

"She didn't say it to Emily, or both. She said it to _you_. Am I right?" Morgan was shamelessly giving up, gradually crumbling under the look the other was giving him.

Spencer nodded.

"...did you wonder _why_?" he didn't wanna say it. God, he DID NOT wanna say it.

"Yes, I- I did, but honestly the only good answer I could come up with was that Emily hasn't been in the unit as long as I have so...I don't know, we still don't know her that well...?" Spencer replied, stuttering.

"That, too." Derek paused. He was thinking about a proper way to say it without freaking Spencer out. He didn't wanna say _"it's because I like you"_ , since he wasn't sure he did. Well, of course he LIKED him, but he still hadn't quite figured out if he liked him in _that_ way.

Plus, he'd obviously noticed that Spencer, too, felt something... _different._ He was sure neither of them had a clue of what to do with it; on the other hand, he was also sure he had to give him a hint, one way or another. To make sure Reid understood that he wasn't imagining it, that _there was_ _something different._ Even though that "something" didn't have a name yet. Maybe it would, some day.

After thinking for a long time, during which Spencer respectfully stayed silent, the "right" words found their way into Derek's mind, brooming away the dust that had been weighing down on his courage to say them all along.

"A'ight. 3 or 4 months ago I spent a weekend with my family. I don't know if you remember that I didn't come to get drinks with you guys cause I had to leave early in the morning." he started. Spencer nodded - of course he remembered. Dumb question.

"Ok so, one day I was... _talking about you_ with them at dinner, I'm not sure what I was saying, honestly...but after a while Desirée said a thing that made me think." Derek paused, leaning closer to Spencer to make sure he listened carefully.

"She said, quote unquote: _'you know how you always say that Reid gets excited when he rambles about statistics? Well, that's kinda what you do when you talk about him...It's like, he's YOUR statistics'._ "

Spencer kept looking quietly into Derek's black eyes, without blinking once.

"She... s- she said that?" he then asked, just to be, you know, _sure_ that he wasn't dreaming.

"Mhmh." Derek nodded shortly. "I remember it like it was yesterday. Guess some of that memory of yours must have rubbed off on me, huh?" he grinned brightly.

The burning shade of red staining Spencer's cheeks didn't but spread further, even if he had to bite back a: _"that's not possible, Morgan; it doesn't work like that."_

Derek continued. "When she said it, at first I thought she was fucking around, but then it's like...it opened my eyes. I- I don't know. I guess I don't even notice when I do it." he shook his head and stared blankly at an undefined spot outside, as if trying to clear his thoughts.

"...just like when we have to stop you from throwing up random statistics that literally _nobody_ asked for." Morgan concluded cocking his head, with a playful and affectionate smile.

Reid giggled, now feeling his whole face of fire and his heart hammering into his ears. He was speechless. For once.

Derek gently placed his warm hand on the back of Spencer's neck, while the other man kept looking down at his bag, biting his bottom lip so hard he thought it could bleed.

"Do you talk about me to your mom?" Derek asked after a while, almost whispering. He kept his eyes glued on Spencer, even though he had clearly no intention of looking back at him any time soon. He wanted to catch every inch of his facial reaction.

"Should I be prepared for her telling me _'Spencer talks about you'_ if I ever meet her?" he kept the volume of his voice low, starting to stroke Spencer's neck with his thumb and smiling when he saw faint shivers appear on his skin.

"...m- maybe" Spencer answered, not wanting to reveal that literally 70% of the things he told his mom _involved_ him, of which 40% were specifically _about_ him.

Spencer managed to find a crumb of courage to shift his look and finally return Derek's gaze. But as soon as his so-fucking- _handsome_ face reached his sight, along with that _way_ his pupils were staring into him - a way he couldn't quite decipher but didn't mind, after all - he had to jerk his eyes away immediately, or else his heart would've burst out of his ribcage.

Hence, he decided to quickly and distractedly check his watch.

"I- I should probably go now..." he said. He didn't say it because he wanted to - oh, he SO didn't want to go - he just, _had_ to. He didn't wanna ruin things. He wanted to keep that moment fixated into his memory just like it was, hoping many others like that one would come in the future.

"Yeah, you should..." Derek said, shifting farther from him in his seat and taking his hand off of Spencer's soft neck. It was so hard, to stop touching him, it seemed like when you try to split apart two magnets too strongly attracted to one another.

Spencer got out of the car, closing the door behind his back. He turned around and bent to look at Derek from outside.

"Wait!" he squealed, tapping his knuckles against the glass.

Derek, who had already started the car, pulled down the window to hear him better, looking at him confused. "Forgot something?"

"No! No, well- yes. I wanted to ask you one more thing." he paused, scrunching his nose. "What did you mean when you said that- that you can't take especially _my_ pity-face?"

Derek bit his bottom lip. "Nothing too hard to understand." he said, with an enigmatic tone. Now, Spencer was the one looking confused.

"It's just way more painful to handle. Cause it's a much prettier face than the others'."

Spencer looked down, chuckling and nodding like he meant to say: 'oh, yeah, _that_. Of course.'

"See ya tomorrow, Pretty Boy." Derek said in the end, winking and rolling the window back up to finally leave.

Spencer was left there, standing and _freezing cold_ , not knowing what to do with himself.

His phone buzzed into the pocket of his pants, giving him something else to concentrate on, something that wasn't that face, or that voice, or that smile, or that hand on his neck...something that wasn't related to _Derek Morgan_.

It was a text. From... Emily:

 _"So how'd the 'thing' go?"_ Duh. Of course it had to be the umpteenth thing related to Derek Morgan.

He smiled at the screen of his phone. Once again: like a complete _idiot_.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @cyn-00


End file.
